An Airing of Grievances from a Disgruntled Ohioan

Dearest Inconsistent Ohio Weather Patterns,

Your volatility is exasperating, and your February dreariness does nothing but depress. Your lack of action leaves those who silently yearn for the gift of accumulation endlessly downcast, a veil of melancholia that makes every day appear somehow gloomier than the one preceding. You offer nothing but a tunnel of disappointment that amplifies irritation, anxiety, and impatience as you choose a dalliance with abnormality over century long expectation.

In addition, while you fail to make up your mind about which season you want to express, us mortals are destined to suffer an endless cycle of sinus infections, weather specific migraines, and unnecessary emotional shift as the air pressure spikes from one extreme to the other: from 60 degrees and bright to a subzero windchill with nothing but unforgiving black sky to greet us in the mornings. The ability to achieve efficiency dwindles as the last of our energy is sapped away as your out of line antics result in monotonous stagnation

Not to mention, you bipolar, theatrical nuisance, the inability you posses to achieve anything worth merit, worth mention. Unprecedented spring like temperatures are painfully dull when all anybody under the age of eighteen wants is for several feet of snow to stir up the expected season specific excitement, with early morning phone calls of promise an extra day of recuperation. Despite what must surely be your best of efforts, the fact remains that you have proved significantly lackluster in your duties of providing the significant traits that differentiate spring from winter and autumn from summer. How can anyone not be unimpressed when the only thing you have to offer is rain that doesn't even freeze and clouds that produce no lasting snow?

And so, after a month of letdown and anticlimax, it has become mandatory to release this airing of grievances, to state firmly that in the four weeks or so that remains in what truly counts as the winter season, it may be in your best interest to fall in line with what is desired. Cold and snowy is preferred over cold and stuffy as you flicker dangerously between the line of unseasonable and seasonable conditions. For the sake of health and happiness, it is implored that you provide at least one instance of the anticipated temperatures complimented by precipitation of the frozen variety. The ability to continue working successfully for many of us is at stake.

Sincerely,
A Snow Day Deprived Local